Chapter 17: KONG, THE KING


With nothing better to do and to pass away my boredom, I visited my friend, Juan Tabagwang. I found him starring at a wall of his studio, he was holding a pencil in front of his drawing board with a blank illustration paper on top of it, but his face had a look of someone whose artistic creativity is drained out of him. Indeed, Juan was completely burned out with his last comics work. Unable to come up with fresh ideas, he asked me to accompany him to go hiking.

"Let's hike to the forest of Kang-Kong," he said dryly.

"What for?" I asked, mystified.

"You know …," he said, "somehow the refreshing breeze and beautiful scenery of the forest will reinvigorate my idea suffocated brain."

I looked at Juan through the corner of my eye with a slight mischievous smile. I was about to tell him that what his head needed is the spirit of agua de pataranta, however, I changed my mind because of the thought that hiking is a good cure for my boredom. Instead, I said, "Great, let's go and bring with us 17 bottles of agua."

So, the next day, early in the morning, we started our long hike. We reached the edge of Kang-Kong forest which is a snaking river overgrown with wild kangkong plants, the forest is known as Kang-Kong because of this plant. It was hot that day and looking at the river made us thirsty. Since we forgot to bring water, we drunk the liquor agua we brought with us.

Halfway in the forest we were already drunk and boisterously singing along the way. Our noise scattered away the birds and little animals, except one, an abandoned, hungry newborn baby monkey helplessly lying on our path. His eyes looked pitiful as if begging us to feed him. Juan picked him up and gave him a drink of agua. The baby monkey ravenously drunk it, afterward he gave us a drunken, innocent smile.

"He will be a great monkey someday," I said jokingly as I smile, "a drunkard in the making, though."

"Yes, he will be the great drunkard king of Kang-Kong," added Juan flippantly followed by a drunken laughter."

Anyway, we took the baby monkey along as we continue with our drinking, and once in a while Juan also gave the monkey a drink. That was when the spirit of agua started to really kick in and the three of us ended sleeping under the cool, shaded canopy of a huge tree. Unknown to us were the two malevolent crows, Jack and Jill, hungrily perched on a branch and eyeing the silently sleeping baby monkey, mistakenly thought by them as a cadaver for dinner. We were ignored by those two crows because Juan and I were snoring loudly.

Jack and Jill slowly circled the baby monkey, they were about to pounce upon him when I suddenly woke up with a shout because of a bad drunken dream. It scared and bewildered the two crows, and in their haste and confusion, they inadvertently grabbed the two open, half empty bottles of agua beside the monkey and flew away with it. After this incident we went back home, Juan is still artistically uninspired but at least well rested.

Juan adopted the baby monkey and fondly called him Kong. But Kong cost Juan too much money to feed him because he grew bigger quickly, and he also drunk too much agua de pataranta. To relieve his burden, Juan gave Kong to Maria D'Kapri, the Super Kapre, as a gift.

The first time Maria saw Kong, she exclaimed, "What a cutie monkey!"

Honestly, Kong is horrendously ugly. Nevertheless, Juan was relieved of his burden, he thought. After a month when Juan and I went to Tomadors'Tavern to drink agua, Maria confronted and shoved us Kong who was drunk.

"You drunken half-wits," she shouted at us angrily, "take back your drunken brother gorilla."

When Maria was angry, anyone was really scared of her. So, fearful, I tried to squeeze myself in a corner and Juan tried to hide under the table. We didn't dare reason out with her, she's not called Super Kapre for nothing with her powerful uppercut which was well-known among the drunkards in the area. Coyly, Juan took back Kong. And the three of us were thrown out of the tavern by her. Later, we heard from one of the drunkard customers of the tavern that Kong drunk all the aguas of Tomadors,' almost making the tavern bankrupt. This made Juan so depressed at the thought of the great cost of caring for Kong.

"Why don't we give Kong to the owner of the pet shop, Mga Ibon Ni Adarna," I suggested to Juan, "he might be trained as a scratch artist like the parrot bird, Periko."

Juan's face brightened and he added, "And Kong can support his agua addiction, great idea!"

Consequently, we went to the pet shop with Kong. The owner was delighted when he saw the monkey, thinking that he had another pet genius that he could train to be like Periko. Indeed, after a week, Kong became a scratch artist even greater than Periko. The problem was that every time he became drunk with agua, he covered with graffiti scratches the pet shop and even the neighboring stores to the consternation of the pet shop owner. And when Juan and I visited the pet shop, the owner, just like Maria, shoved Kong to us.

"Take back your monkey," the pet shop owner said in disgust, "he's a drunkard and a scatterbrained gorilla."

The infuriated Kong countered and gave the pet shop owner the finger. I was surprised because we did not teach Kong to do the finger; maybe he learned it from Periko. And Juan looked more depressed this time. He really "had a monkey on his back." Anyway, we took Kong back again.

Juan scolded Kong for his wild and drunken behavior. Kong's feeling was hurt. Sadly, he gathered his meager belongings from inside Juan's house, put it in a small bundle of cloth, tied it on a long stick, slung it over his shoulder, and then dejectedly he started to go away. Juan tried to stop Kong, but he turned around and gave Juan the finger, a sign that he was completely severing his ties with him.

After this we never heard from Kong again, not until when all the aguas in the town started to disappear, and we suspected him as the culprit. Our suspicions was correct when we learned that every night there was a drunken gorilla swinging around the huge and very tall bell tower of the church. Kong nightly drunken fooling around was later joined by the two drunken crows, Jack and Jill, who evidently had a liking for the agua also after they got a taste of it in the forest of Kang-Kong. To add to their nightly drunken escapade, they also rung the bells of the church as if to announce to everyone that it was party time again to the dismay of the minister.

Many curious people started to come every night to the church, not for religious reason but to watch the drunken antics of the trio who by that time were becoming well-known throughout the town and also in the towns nearby. Eventually, they became the tourist attraction and were advertised as the King Kong evening show by some opportunistic and enterprising businessmen. Many tourists gave donations to the church to care for Kong and his sidekicks, Jack and Jill. The donations made the minister very happy. He pocketed most of the donations, and knowingly, he condoned the bad agua addiction at the expense of the three drunken performers.

As the fame of Kong grew so was the popularity of agua de pataranta. People started to drink the agua, especially the rich ones who called it the quintessential wine to make it sound elegant; I called it the ambrosia of wines. Frankly, the agua is so repulsive in taste; its aftereffect is like being kick by a wild cimarron on the head. Anyway, the agua became very expensive; it was not good for the likes of Juan and me who had to work twice as many hours to earn money just to buy the agua. But the local manufacturer produced more agua, though greedy, he hired more workers which was good for the economy of the town.

Juan and I went once to see Kong and his sidekicks, Jack and Jill, in one of their ludicrous nightly shows. They even added a repertoire to their performance, Kong would mightily beat his chest like a drum as Jack and Jill squawked in rhythm as if they were singing a drunken song just like Juan and I used to do. Probably the two crows learned from us when they flew overhead while we were drunk and singing. There were many tourists eagerly ogling them, and they applauded the trio every time they gave them the finger.

"What the …," Juan said with a look of disbelief on his face as he scratched his head, "these tourists are imbeciles."

"C'mon, Juan, leave them alone," I said, "that's what fans are for."

"Well …," Juan said as he sighed, "I have a feeling that Kong will become very popular and he will be long remembered as King Kong." Then he turned to me with an inquiring look.

"Indeed," I said with a knowing smile at Juan, "stories will be written and movies will be made about him."

"But we starving artists who saved Kong from the forest of Kang-Kong will fade by time into oblivion," Juan concluded in resignation.

We left the place laughing, and as we faded into the night our laughter also receded into darkness. But who are we laughing at?